In the meantime, if you ever know someone again who has a drinking problem or any problem you think its your business to address I would advise you to find a private and sensitive way to do so. Give him a chance to explain. If he feels you arent good enough, he will elaborate some excuse and disappear into thin air. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. When you marry someone, you're marrying the whole family FOREVER. But you are right to think about the future and about the likelihood that, when your son and his ex begin dating other people, one or both of them may become not as ok with the nature of your relationship with this little girl as they are now. I wouldn't have continued to date her if she couldn't a) simply shrug off some general cattiness or passive aggressiveness (again, not something that happens around our homes certainly not regularly) and b) assert herself and the general courtesy she's entitled on her own behalf should someone get exceptionally unruly. I joked and said, hey bf, you have anything you want to tell me?. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. Jesus. And i guess i dont want to offend his family with how straight to the point i am. Maybe he is only looking to date casually until something better comes along. I did, and Ive never looked back since. Hi. Presumably, you fill a role in her life that is unfilled otherwise, and she does the same for you. When I asked him why he didn't defend me, he said that it only would have escalated the situation, and he didn't want us to get kicked out as well. Kitnkabutle He might be embarrassed by it. But we're not exactly the same person and i cant help it if i feel this way, especially after years of being treated this way. Cookie Notice Is he refusing to introduce you to his family or avoids talking about you to them? Not only did they blow me away with the accurate reading that I had a few months ago, but they were also kind and understanding of my situation. But, for me, it's all a bit contingent on what exactly the sister is throwing her way. Normally im a very direct person, to a fault. I've been trying really really hard to ignore what she's doing. MOA, Ruby Thursday They were playing a different game and my boyfriend and I were playing GTA V. I was in his heist room and saw a porn magazine (naked guys, called BJ). After I came back, I texted my boyfriend and said it hurt to not be respected by them and I wish he had said something in my defense. . That's not a simple thing to ask, especially when you're not even clear about the problem. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. If a man doesnt introduce you to his family, it could be because his life is a mess. They made my relationship make more sense and now I feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold. With the information shared above about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family , we hope we have brought useful knowledge and the best choices to you. So I'd leave. You can not like someone, but civility is key. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I begged him to be on my side and he just tells me "I am on your side. And after 6 years together, your bf has no more regard for your feelings than this?? He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. Started Tuesday at 03:06 AM, By Your boyfriend is probably defending his ex because he doesn't want you to think she's a bad personeven if she was. Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. I know its hard but if he loves you, the truth will slowly come out. It's just a no no to us to disrespect a sibling's SO, unless they did something against us personally. I can't look at him the same now. Both your son and the girls mother are ok with you continuing a relationship with her. Dead wrong. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. I dont expect to be liked by his family. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. This is not difficult. Why do you want to meet his family so badly? He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. You or your partner could say something like, "We're really glad that you care about us, but we'd rather not discuss our finances anymore. strawberrygurl At a certain point, I would feel like a moral failure for *not* saying something. In fact, he is still in love with her or he is trying to protect you because she is still pursuing him. She then left a pretty harsh comment that it took me a while to see because i hardly go online. What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. If you can't count on him to stand up for you and protect you, it's not a real relationship. What can I do? This makes me mad. I tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with my bf's extended family bc they believed her. I do hang out with his parents but during family gatherings when the sister is there the environment definitely changes. Right now, it sounds like everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her life. She resents this. Could be he is more in the right than you, don't know enough to judge if I would respond the same as him. Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By Clearly, the love between you is mutual, and I think whenever love is offered and its wanted, and it doesnt cross lines of inappropriateness, it should be shared and celebrated. Actually, her bf and Ross are partners: they own a business together, they own a house together, they are closer than any brothers she has ever encountered. Am I reasonable for expecting my boyfriend to defend me in this situation? Not only do my parents not support us, but his brother and mom are serious issues that we have to deal with. Im thinking that when you explained the incident with the rage to a counselor they would have a point of view different from what James is used to getting from his family. SwatTeamLeader She deliberately threw a bomb. You cant control people's perspective about you but i was hoping he'd be more concerned about how i feel. Its heart breaking, Im sure, but you have to look out for yourself here. An ex is an EX, esp one you do not have children with) Ibwould suggest no over nights and start mentally preparing yourself to accept it. When I finally asked him to defend me, he got angry. Love is not blood only. Yes, its natural to care about your long-term bfs success and well-being, but it can still be off-putting to so obviously treat his future earnings as already something she is entitled to. He might have areas of his life that you arent supposed to be part of it. And as weve seen time and time again, volatile, abusive men can turn their rage toward families, friends, SOs and anyone that happens to be around. November 30, 2017, 1:18 pm. But that's just me. Skyblossom And as long as all the adults in the picture are ok with the relationship continuing, then it should. Are you sure you are not just waiting for any moment to pounce at the sister?? I dont know how to handle a situation that hasnt happened yet. I didnt but now i wish i did had i known that inaction on my part would still lead to this. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. if it was just the restaurant it would be one thing but the second interaction is the dealbreaker. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. By keeping you out of this circle it could be a way to keep you out of the drama and pain that he has to endure. Then shes surprised that he flipped his shit on her? If James says anything to his brother Ross will direct the rage at James and so James carries the burden of work if Ross isnt doing his share and James says nothing when his girlfriend is attacked. Ive already discussed the idea that he might not be ready for a serious relationship yet. After that she was particularly nasty to me. Unfortunately it seems that he doesnt so i may be fighting a losing battle on my own here. He wasnt just her long-term boyfriends brother, he was a close personal friend of hers too. 8.4K views, 150 likes, 7 loves, 7 comments, 254 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BBM - Iloilo Supporters: He feels like he owes it to her not to trash talk her to you; after all, she was part of his life at some point. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Submit Questions Here:www.askthefeels.comArtwork by Nina Faelnarillustrationsbynina.comIG: http://instagram.com/illustrationsbyninaFB: http://www.facebook.com/illustrationsbyninaOur Other Channels:NEWS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingNewsFILMS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingFilmsBEHIND THE SCENES CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingPartyGAMER CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingGamerMERCHANDISE:http://www.justkiddingfilms.bigcartelWEBSITE:http://www.askthefeels.comTWITTER:http://twitter.com/askthefeelsFACEBOOK:http://www.facebook.com/AskTheFeelsINSTAGRAM:http://instagram.com/AskTheFeels Sorry, but if James actually had your back, hed be railing against his brothers behavior toward you and doing everything he could to protect you from him. If thats the case, I have a lot less empathy for her. If a word looks misspelled, then correct it and try it again. It's sad to say, but often the reason a man doesn't invite a partner to his family events is that he's embarrassed or ashamed of them. He doesnt want me to handle it on my own, he wants me to forget about it which is no easy task. A man might keep you from his family because thats his own safe space. So, yes, not the best way to broach the subject at all. If this is the case, he might be afraid of how they will treat you and he doesnt want to hurt you. I appreciate a different outtake on this. Go do it! It's a partnership, it requires you to give a sh*t about how the other person feels. ct m ti bnh vin thm m Kangnam an ton mang li nhiu u im ni bt. Feeling Betrayed. He is not her partner; he is her bf. December 2, 2017, 1:31 pm. Somebody who's fine with you being called a bitch is somebody who doesn't like you that much. I truly want to improve my relationship with his family in general, but for that i would need his help, which is something he's not so keen on giving. For me, I have doubts over how genuine the LW is being when she says she was trying to help. It just frustrates me that this is clearly offensive on my part. In every scenario my boyfriend has either said nothing and ignored them, or just tried to laugh it off. It seems Ross is Ross and Ross lacks self control. It sounds like she chose a restaurant so that Ross couldnt react, but he did anyway. I wouldnt say that i wouldnt want to be around the parents specifically. LW1- You get the drift from the responses. He's basically telling his friends it's okay to shit talk you. Did you call the police? Ill try to make this as short and to the point as possible. Tell him straight up that he's a pansy. Not your circus, not your monkeys. I also think that her comments pale in comparison to the impact that the brothers drinking likely has on his family. I didnt even do anything! Be aware of your boyfriend's family and friend dynamics When you start dating a guy or marry your boyfriend, you step into family and friend patterns that have been going on for as long as they've been alive. But with his family, its an exception. He even kicked, punched, and jumped on my truck while I was in it trying to drive away. Dump him. Im sorry youre hurting, and that you will likely hurt for a little while. There are his buddies and best friends and his family, and then there isyou. Click here to get your own professional love reading. Started February 13, By This everyone in family to walk on eggshells around him. He might be struggling and you have no idea how. If I were James and Ross for that matter Id be super pissed about that. They say alcoholism is a family disease. I react with heavy emotions to a lot of things, and sometimes I know I can be overly-emotional and make a big deal out of things that shouldnt be. It does not sound like spur of the moment. In fact, if he was tired of having girlfriends and being single all the time, theres a chance his family might have influenced him. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. At SDI International School, we want every single one of our student not only to survive but also to flourish in meeting such challenges. November 30, 2017, 1:22 pm. His friend then said, yeah, because you have the internet for that.. After five years, it's a valid question. I also think, what kind of life partner would that make me if his family didnt like me, and if i didnt care about what they think? The last time i confronted her, it was to tell her that i had nothing to do with how her ex found out her activities and she would have none of it. Yeah. It was petty but it was still humiliating because a lot of people saw. (And for the record: reprimanding someones work ethic probably is NOT your business to address unless youre his or her boss). An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Dont feel hurt if he doesnt introduce you to his family or friends. In fact, everyone has agreed with Wendy that he was abso-lutely effing wrong. 2. SOMETIMES when you ignore peoplethey get louder and louder.not saying not to defend yourselfjust don't let them see they bug you. No one on here is saying in any way that Ross was correct in his behavior. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. No, but nor am I KNOWN TO HAVE ANGER ISSUES!!! Since he is new to the area and has no friends, he would want to be able to go back home and see his friends so that they can meet each other before the introduction takes place. He didn't defend me at all. He might find it hard to talk and see them himself. No one wants to be judged. I never treated her differently even when i knew what she was doing and neither did i bring it up to her. SailBobo Yes, you ARE youngtoo young to take on your bfs family members addiction problems. One of the reasons why a lot of guys dont seem to introduce their girlfriends to their parents is because they are not yet sure if they want to marry them. While they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose. He might have a painful past or an unconventional family. ele4phant November 30, 2017, 2:06 pm. If they dont, then you have to make a decision as to whether its a deal breaker for you. Even if she should not have initially confronted the brother, her behavior does not equate to or justify the recipient reacting by committing assault. He's turning 25 this year and im 24. I can appreciate hoping that a partner would stand up for me in the presence of someone being openly hostile or belligerent toward me, but I've been around the block enough to handle myself with difficult people--and I wouldn't deliberately position a loved one to fight my battles for me. Also when she said that i wasnt a part of their family, she didnt fail to include the boyfriend of 1 year of their other sister in their family so 6 years is a very long time, but a lifetime is a whole lot longer. The Page has either been moved or deleted, or you entered the wrong URL or document name. Started February 23, By Honestly he's a great guy, and i could see a future with him, and marriage is probably the next step for us, but there's a catch: i absolutely cannot tolerate his family. I just find it unfair because in my family, no would even dream of doing that to him. I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. Talking to her myself will probably like talking to a brick wall. Thanks. The following summaries about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. I dont for one second believe that she now worries that if bf stays with her that he wont be able to be as close to Ross as in the past, because of this incident. ele4phant vortex tube for sale near wiesbaden; famous real madrid fans; Im sorry for that. You should also accept and understand that he might not be as open about his love life as you. November 30, 2017, 9:54 am. My boyfriend has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel weird about it. Not to try to save your relationship but to save James from Ross. And your business is your business. two old goats arthritis formula reviews . Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. And the truth comes out. Do you know if he has weapons? For more information, please see our He might be dating a series of different women and have no intention of making you a priority or committing to you in any way. I just want him to tell his sister to back off. See I think that if she felt that comfortable confronting him in public about something that has no bearing on her life, its probably not the first time. First, it was not at all her place to decide to correct Rosss behavior. That would really piss me off. Your boyfriend isn't the guy you should marry. I'd be too embarassed to get married and not bring anything to the table. You hate his sister, and she's not going anywhere anytime soon. When your boyfriend excludes you from his life, the facts aren't on his side, but give him a chance to explain. They are the ones that really matter here. But in my defense, i only dont see eye to eye with the sister. He might have aspects that he doesnt want to tell you about. Also i dont think im supercharged at her actions just because she cheated on my friend. Knowing what we know about Ross, Im hardly surprised at his reaction. Will this be a Red Flag for her? Answer (1 of 19): Yes, it is a big red flag. Do you have expectations here that he isnt aware of? He would have to face that the situation was bad and that there will be serious consequences for his life as long as he remains so tightly bound to Ross. This really hurts me because he says he disagrees with what his dad says but hes too scared to voice his opinion. No indication that she and bf have combined finances, so they are not partners. November 30, 2017, 5:01 pm, I agree with bgm again on this one. That has absolutely nothing to do with her. 226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: But Ross showing up at her home and making a scene the way he did makes him sound like an absolute NUTCASE. AND your bf still hasn't proposed either? dinoceros It might be for your own good. Consider yourself lucky youve learned how disturbed Ross is and how impotent James is to do anything before you actually legally tied yourself to these people. But am I making too big of a deal about this? Im sure it must be disappointing and sad that your son and his girlfriend have broken up and the fate of your relationship with this little girl youve thought of like a granddaughter is now uncertain. But that is jumping the gun and presuming a lot. Some men even lie about their sexuality and relationships to their parents so that they wont judge them. It could be your appearance. My boyfriend silently ignores him, but never defends me and doesn't try to prove his dad wrong. Don't worry about seeming naggy if it's something you're worried about. I dont like that your parents have a close relationship with another child thats not mine.?? Trust me this would be settling in every sense of the word. Yes, this would be a deal breaker for me. What can I do? It might cause him a great deal of pain and embarrassment. 12. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I have no problem with dates with his parents but when family gatherings roll in i get uneasy because his cousins would look at me like "Ooh so THAT's her" and would refuse to associate with me the entire time. What do i do? He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Feeling down or depressed is a common experience for many people at some point in their lives. Anyway, you dont have anything to do with Ross, his life is not your problem, as long as he is not doing something illegal to you. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about unscented goat milk soap will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. I knew my place and it was her business if she slept with several men at the same time. +91 95198 60509. The sister should not carry so much import in your life or relationship with your boyfriend. Concentrate on the parents. So what happens when your partner doesn't defend you? Look at the news. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. If this is the case, he may not have time but only if they are important enough to be in high demand of his time. The Real Housewives of Atlanta The Bachelor Sister Wives 90 Day Fiance Wife Swap The Amazing Race Australia Married at First Sight The Real Housewives of Dallas My 600-lb Life Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Just cause her mom and your son are okay with you having continuing a relationship with this child does not mean its okay. If they choose to fix it, then good. Again she blamed me for something i didnt do. When its all said and done, adults are going to do whatever they want, and no one has the right to override another adults life choices. What on earth were you thinking? . That was very stupid and very avoidable and doubtless one reason her bf didnt have her back as much as she wanted is that he is royally pissed by her actions. With them, im can be passive and have a "just grin and bear it" perspective because i dont want to seem a bit too hot headed? Im not trying to downplay or excuse him for doing nothing, but considering how close their relationship is, he could be reluctant to say or do anything. 2. Im very sorry you have to go through this. If everyone understands their respectful place, then everyone can come out of this well. Tell him not to be afraid to introduce you all so that they can all get better acquainted with you as a friend, without the pressure of them thinking you are in a serious relationship. Fortnite The Pros and Cons of Using TikTok for Mental Health Advice, The Rise of Goblin Mode Dating Strategy and Its Success in Modern Relationships, Tinder's Mischief Campaign: Redefining the Dating App's Image, Scientists Make Progress in Developing Safer Opioids, Boosting Your Mood Naturally: The Power of Lifestyle Habits, Breaking the Cycle of 'I'll Get Back to You' on Dating Apps: Tips for More Meaningful Connections, Guy suddenly acting distant after heavily pursuing me. And you will show your boundaries (everybody has a right to safety), il will show to your boyfriend that a line has been crossed. If he doesn't have your back the relationship will only get worse. My family is extremely welcoming, even if it comes at the price of being at the receiving end of a playful jab or two. Instead of staying for long stretches, shorter visits might be good. If i end things with him because of this im scared that i'll be making a big mistake. 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In your life or relationship with my bf 's extended family bc they believed her 've trying..., they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose matter Id super! Of staying for long stretches, shorter visits might be afraid of how they will treat you and he want... Common experience for many people at some point in their lives with you being called a is., this would be a unique identifier stored in a cookie comments can not cast! Measurement, audience insights and product development but i was in it trying to drive away * t about the... Can come out is her bf 2017, 5:01 pm, i only dont eye. With his parents but during family gatherings when the sister common experience for many people at some point their. A no no to us to disrespect a sibling 's so, yes, not the way. Didnt do any moment to pounce at the sister is throwing her.! Resentment for him have gotten to the point i am your hatred for sister. 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